The Apprentice wishes you Happy Greenwash Day!

Last night, I belatedly watched the Apprentice on iPlayer, wherein Kevin Shaw, a strange West Country mutant blend of David Brent and Vicky Pollard with a stuttering gaze, was fired for failing to flog his line of eco-themed 'greetings' cards to Celebrations and Clinton Cards. Tesco bought 1,500 - a miniscule, hedging PR investment for one of the UK's most-watched shows: there wouldn't be enough cards to go round if you sent one to each store.

But Kevin's project, really the brain afterbirth of 'environmentalist,' Jenny Celerier, an Easter Island statue in a ginger wig and a Hermes scarf, totally missed the (Hall)mark. Participants were supposed to come up with a new day to celebrate and came up with Earth Day, forgetting all up-with-the-environment type days already in existence. Kevin went from wanting to own a Ferrari at the start of the show to a desire to save 'this and other planets' at the end.

Partly the problem was the complete failure of the team to understand the purpose of a greetings card: "Is this going to bring a smile to your face?" the Clinton Cards man asked, before reading out a stastically-based exhortation to shower rather than bathe in order to save water. Clearly, not. 

But the confusion of the team regarding what was acceptable to say in a pitch meeting also reflects some of the madness and hypocrisy surrounding environmentalism and greenwash. Kev flat-out told the buyer that, if he didn't put his weight behind the card, it was the same as saying he didn't care about pollution and, to another, "if that's the attitude everyone takes, we are not going to be able to save the planet." But they weren't saving the planet - they were marketing a piece of glossy, folded cardboard requiring distribution, for profit.

Even Surralan, hardly Zac Goldsmith, was wary of the contradiction inherent in exhorting people to save the planet by having them consume more. He saw the issue - as increasing amounts of people do - in terms of 'resources.' Yet, the team genuinely thought they were doing something 'good' - nay, necessary! Jenny was supposed to 'know all about environmentalism' but there was absolutely no evidence of this in her behaviour or history. We saw her lolling around in robe in a space-heated house at one point, not swaddled in jumpers.

Yet, not having changed their lifestyles one iota, they felt that they could sell their product to people to make it easier to preach to each other.  The sense was that the message - the feeling of urgency, or superiority, of anger, perhaps desparation about the state of the world - could, if expressed strongly enough, replace activity; or that you could outsource - offset - your lifestyle by having others behave responsibly while you signally fail to anything but wave your arms about.

There is a lesson for us all in there somewhere.

Comments

[FrenchBen]

Very interesting analysis! thx